The post-season is finally upon us and while 6 people will be fighting for the honor and prize of $1200, 6 others will be wondering where it all went wrong.
But no need to wonder! I'll tell you what went wrong right here! (Some of these are jokes so don't take them too seriously)
12. Shock the F'n World
Reason: Didn't update his team
Pretty easy to fix this. UPDATE YOUR LINEUP!
How to fix: Update your lineup!
11. David Y Team
Reason: Drafted Le'veon Bell and then held onto him for dear life
While he did make a savvy trade using Kelce earlier in the year to try and stay in the playoff hunt, he ultimately failed because he just kept on hoping that Le'veon would return. I'm sure he got some offers before he was officially eliminated and when you're falling multiple games under .500, your first priority is to get in the playoffs. At that point, the best ability in any player is availability.
How to fix: Trade away non-active players for active players. You'll have to trade them at a discount but even if they return in week 10 or 11, it doesn't matter if you're not in the playoff hunt.
10. Berries 'n Kareem
Reason: Drafted a woman-beater and relied on a 41 year old QB
Brady has performed admirably on the real gridiron but in the fantasy gridiron, he's been less than stellar. Even if you combine Fitzpatrick and Jameis into 1 QB and remove Matt Barkley's 1 game performance, Brady ended up as a QB15 during the regular season. When you have someone who has name brand cachet, you need to trade their real life value for some more fantasy value. The Kareem Hunt incident was unfortunate but that's what you get when you support assault.
How to fix: Draft people without criminal records and those who aren't past the middle of their lives
9. Kerryon MyWaywardSon
Reason: Walked under a ladder, broke a mirror, and possibly opened an umbrella inside
I've already highlighted Eric's close losses in a previous post and the only explanation I could come up with is that he's been cursed. Unfortunately for Eric, I think most of these curses last 7 years so I would stop playing fantasy until 2025 if I were him.
How to fix: I think there's some remedy where you bathe yourself in garlic. Doesn't hurt to try.
8. Afghanistananis
Reason: Didn't focus on shoring up his fantasy defense
Dan had a remarkable scoring season, ending up 4th in points scored but he missed the playoffs by 2 wins. The problem? Like the Colts and Saints of years past, while his offense was exploding, his defense couldn't stop the other teams. Look at some of the point totals he's given up: 154 to Simon, 114 to Eric, 121 to David K, 121 to Paul, 133 to Cho, 114 to Simon (again, and without a kicker). It's hard to make the playoffs when you have to score 125+ a week.
How to fix: Break the legs of the players on the teams he faces
7. Fe-Brees
Reason: Too much faith and reliance on his own team
I'm pretty sure I say this every year but Jon Lee has a problem. That problem is trust and faith in his players, even when they don't produce. David Johnson was an RB2 this year (a low-end one if you take away his one 30 point outing) but he has name brand value. If Jon had offered him for Phillip Lindsay or Aaron Jones, does the opposing manager say no? Instead, he kept believing in the putrid offense that is the Cardinals to do the right thing. Also, why he kept holding on to guys like Kenyan Drake and Royce Freeman baffles me. Neither back finished as a top 24 back. Trey Burton was TE8 for the regular season but when Jon needed him the most in the past 3 weeks, he completely shat the bed, averaging less than .6 points per contest (not a typo). The difference between Burton and TE20 is 1.6 ppg, less than the difference between Burton and TE5, Jared Cook. Maybe Jon should have started looking at higher upside players when Burton started disappearing from the offense. Lastly, Brees has always struggled in non-conference games on the road. He continued to deliver on that promise with poor showings at New York (8.58), Baltimore (20.78, not terrible but much lower than what we are used to from Brees), Minnesota (8.8), and Dallas (9.28). He did have one good game on the road against Cincy but their defense is completely putrid. Had Jon replaced Brees in one of these weeks he may have won. He lost the NY week by 9 and the Minnesota week by 36. One of those wins would have put him in the playoffs.
How to fix: Unfixable because Jon will always have irrational confidence in players he drafted.
Side note: I think it would be incredible if Chris ran the table in the consolation bracket to claim the $25 gift card after being berated all year for not setting his lineup. He'd have to beat Eric (an unlucky Gurley owner) and Dan (The best team to not make playoffs) which would just up the hilarity. Don't take your eyes off the bottom half just because they're not playing for a cash prize. They're arguably playing for an even bigger prize: not suffering humiliation.
Now let's do a cliff notes version of the two wild card games this week:
MOTW 1
3. Jacked Up! vs. 6. Just Forsett In
Previous meeting(s): Week 5, Jacked Up! by 1.28 points
Stud matchup: Zeke vs. Michael Thomas
When do we get to stop calling Michael Thomas, Michael Thomas? All the other great receivers have intialized nicknames (OBJ, AB, AJ) or go on a one name basis (Julio, Nuk/DeAndre, Diggs, Cheetah/Tyreek). Hopefully someone can come up with a good nickname after he destroys the horrendous Bucs defense. Zeke will look to match his first showing (30+) against this Philly team that seems to get destroyed by division rival RBs.
Dud matchup: Mahomes vs. Doug Martin
Mahomes??? Yes, Mahomes. Granted, he won't be held to single digits but he's going to struggle on the road against a Ravens secondary that has given QBs trouble all season long. Expect a more human effort from Mahomes this week. Martin (who will forced to play when Melvin ends up sidelined) is going against a tough Pitt run D in a game they'll be playing from behind. Expect Richard to outscore the Muscle Hamster.
X-Factors: Lamar Miller vs. Melvin Gordon's MCL
Lamar Miller started off the season in horrific fashion (less than 10 PPG until the bye week) but has scored in double digits the past 3 weeks. He could be what propels Cho's team to a victory. Mike's entire matchup (and playoff hopes) ride on the fact that Melvin Gordon will be healthy. While Ertz, Cam, the Rapist, and MT are still solid players, nobody has the 40 points ceiling Gordon has. His lack of RB depth is being exposed at the worst possible time.
Winner: Cho
This will be closer than expected, especially if Gordon plays, but with great matchups for his backfield and very good special teams situations, Cho should be able to make it back to the semis.
MOTW 2
4. The Glory Hogans vs. 5. Fournetflix 'n cHiLL
Previous meeting(s): Week 10, Fournetflix 'n cHiLL by 36.36
Stud matchup: Lindsay vs. DeShaun
Lindsay has been one of the finds of the year for Paul and he gets one of the best matchups of the year in week 14. The loss of Sanders may mean heavier boxes but he'll get more carries and targets as a trusted set of hands. DeShaun destroyed the Colts earlier in the season and should be able to do it again. If Biggie is to pull of the upset, he'll need 30+ from DeShaun and I'm sure he'll get it.
Dud matchup: OBJ vs. Fournette
These 2 1st rounders have helped these teams get here but I don't think they'll be the stars in the wild card round. OBJ has to face shadow coverage from Josh Norman and even if he gets past them, needs to get past one of the best safety tandems in the league in Haha + Swearinger. Fournette goes against an underrated Titans front 7 in a game that the Jaguars will probably be playing from behind. Expect a few more touches to go to Yeldon that Biggie will like.
X-Factors: Chicago vs. Pittsburgh
Both players get to root for the team they actually root for but Biggie gets the leg up here. The Steelers face a dying Raiders team that can't throw the long ball, arguably the biggest weakness of the Steelers. On the other hand, Chicago, who has been a top tier defense all year, faces Sean McVay's machine.
Winner: Biggie
I don't know how it's relevant in fantasy football but Biggie's playoff experience shines in this matchup. With less than ideal matchups for some of his key players, Paul will need a big week to stave off the underdog. Unfortunately, he'll come up short and re-live his week 10 horror again. Fun fact: Paul is the only one to have defeated both teams that have earned a bye this week. Hopefully he'll get a chance to repeat the feat if he gets out of this week.
Good luck to all!
Simon Kim
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