Power Rankings: Team Names!

Welcome to the first edition of team name reviews!

Dan Park said he needed "something to read" (I totally misquoted you here) before the season officially started so I decided to try something new and review the team names.

Judging criteria include creativity, relativity, and humor. And of course you guys will probably disagree vehemently but this is just my opinion. So, too bad.

In reverse order:

11) Funky Fresh (David Yim) - Really? Doesn't have anything to do with football, no puns, no creativity. David, step your game up.

10) Big TDs (Eric Lee) - We already heard the TDs joke last year... Sorry Eric. I expected more from you.

3-way tie for 9) its my vick in a box (Biggie), The Powerhouse (Nelson), Jacked Up! (Cho) - The difference between these and Eric's is that these were used by the same people who used them last year. It shows a consistency/continuity that's hard to find in team names year-to-year or sometimes, even in a season (I'm still bitter about all those name changes).

6) Suck Mike Ditka (JY) - Starting to get into the actually creative names here. I had to rank this low because a) I don't like the Bears, b) Mike Ditka is kind of a stretch for my dick, and c) because the thought of sucking Mike Ditka is horrifying.

5) Badonkagronk (Mike Lee) - It's creative but at least a season too late. My excuse for Michael is that in Korea, they're still showing highlights of Gronk's 2011, 17 TD season.

4) Donkey Ndamukong (Jon Lee) - If only his last name weren't so long. Halfway through Ndamukong, I forgot what the first part of the joke was so it lost some of its luster. But I think working at Creative Promotional Products has definitely helped you in the team naming process. Hakuna Ngata? (Ngata is pronounced Nah-tah) But nothing beat 2011... J's... LOL

3) Orangevodjuiceka (Dan Park) - Although I do love Dan's random Office jokes, this one has nothing to do with football. I believe I'm being generous to Dan because a) I do love The Office, b) I do love consistency, and c) He came up with the whole name-ranking thing.

2) No Romo (David Kim) - This one has an added funny factor due to the fact that Romo is so bad that he probably gets called gay 1.4 million times per game.

1) Ben There Raped That (Paul Kim) - Kim family domination! The brothers take the top 2 spots and their cousin, Jon, finishes at a respectable 4th. Anyways, we all know Ben raped the girl and got away with a 4-game suspension (reduced from 6 for not raping anybody for a while) while Vick lost millions of dollars, 2 years of football, all his endorsements, and a little over a year of his life in prison. Not saying that what Vick did was right but if the NFL and America believe that dogs lives are more important than the well-being of a HUMAN WOMAN, is it any wonder why our society treats women with such little respect? Anyways, Roethlisberger sucks, as a QB and a human, and I always like being reminded of that.

Congratulations to Paul on his first meaningless title!

Simon Kim